If morning started around noon.Ĥ9: Do you know what it means to come home to a man who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house.ĥ1: Why don’t men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.ĥ2: You don’t work – you don’t have money to live, you work – there’s no time to live.ĥ3: I will have enough money for the rest of my life. Back in five minutes.Ĥ4: Marriage is the main reason for divorce.Ĥ5: I’ve only been wrong once, and that’s when I thought I was wrong.Ĥ6: Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.Ĥ7: Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.Ĥ8: I could be a morning person. The more you eat – the bigger is your appetite.ģ7: If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick and throw it into the windshield.ģ8: Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?ģ9: I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.Ĥ0: What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.Ĥ1: I’ve been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest.Ĥ2: If you’re going through Hell, keep going.Ĥ3: Out of my mind. I have a whole graveyard!ģ6: The longer you sleep – the more sleep you need. I sit and look at it for hours.ģ5: Some people have skeletons in their closet. I just wish it wasn’t THIS job.Ģ4: Sometimes waking up means the best part of your day is over!Ģ5: Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?Ģ6: To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.Ģ7: If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?Ģ8: A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.Ģ9: What do Lifesavers do that a man can’t? Come in eight flavors.ģ0: Don’t forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems.ģ1: A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.ģ3: If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?ģ4: I like work. I get to the end and I think, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen.’Ģ3: Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a job. I asked her why and she says ‘hey, I just wanna be friends.’Ģ1: The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you’re on the job.Ģ2: I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.Ģ0: When I was a kid my mother stopped breast feeding me. The next, you’re toast.ġ9: I took a course in speed waiting. Until you hire a lawyer.ġ3: What did one ghost say to another ghost? ‘Do you believe in people?’ġ4: If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store is free yet?ġ5: Appreciate how some people don’t come out of ATM till they find the meaning of life right there.ġ6: By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.ġ7: One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Now I’m not sure.ĥ: I don’t care how old I am, I will see Finding Dory.Ħ: Mostly men lie before the elections, sex and after fishing.Ĩ: Men mostly hate two words: ‘not’ and ‘enough’… unless you say them together.ĩ: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.ġ0: Dating a single mother is like continuing from somebody else’s saved game.ġ1: We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.ġ2: Talk is cheap. So check this list of funny and sarcastic lines and enjoy.ġ: Why do midgets laugh while running through the yard? The grass tickles their nuts.Ģ: Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.ģ: We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.Ĥ: I used to be indecisive. We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. Additionally, we also have inspirational quotes from leaders across the world. You may also like funny one liners on money and life lesson one liners as a good read. These are sarcastic but funny short one liners about life. Large collection of funny one lines about life that are hilarious to read.
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